Hey everyone! This post may end up being kind of long because I am going to update you all on my current relationship status and some emotions and circumstances that have arisen around it. I hope some of you will be able to relate!
First off, a conversation with my grandma:
Grandma: So you really haven’t found anyone at college?
Me: Nope. Not really. We have a 70/30 girl to guy ratio, so it’s hard.
Grandma: Well did you think about that when you chose the school?
Me, in my head: Why would that be on my criteria list??
Me, in person: No, I hadn’t considered that.
Grandma: Well you know it’s hard to find someone after college…
Like I haven’t been feeling anxious enough about finding my future husband, and then my grandma has to just amplify my anxiety! It seems like everyone right now is putting a lot of pressure on me to date and find the love of my life (including myself). Does anyone else feel this way?? Especially those of you also University age and in their 20s?
I actually went on a date last weekend. It was with my best friend’s boyfriend’s best friend. LOL. We had a great time: just dinner and a movie. Unfortunately, throughout the entire movie and when we kissed a little afterwards, all I could think of was my ex. Not only was I simply not feeling it with my date, but I was also being reminded of my ex for who-knows-what-reasons. It’s not like our relationship was even that great! But for some reason…I still miss him some days.
This leads me into the song that I’ve been listening to on repeat and hoping to find some truth in eventually. It’s called “The Way Life Goes” by Lil Uzi. (I’ll link the song here because the music in general is super cool too!) It says: I know it hurts sometimes, but you’ll get over it; you’ll find another life to live. I know you’re sad and tired, you’ve got nothing left to give, but I know that you’ll get over it.
I’m just hoping that magically someday I’ll simply “get over it.” I’m so ready to live that new life with a new guy that God has made just for me and to live life together proclaiming His glory. I’m excited for that life. I know it’s all in God’s timing though and that I need to be patient, but the pressure coming from a million different directions can become overwhelming.
I’m also finding it difficult to find the guy that I am really interested in being with. It’s not that I have crazy standards, but I have a few things that I really want. The hardest part is that I am an “old soul.” (Here’s a definition from Urban Dictionary that I felt described me to a T: someone who has a greater appreciation and understanding of things that might be dismissed by others their age. An old soul would have a different taste in things than the mainstream media.) Based on this definition and who I am as an old soul, it can be hard to find a guy that fits into this personality. I almost need an older man…
No, not a sugar daddy, but a guy that is older than me and has a similar appreciation of things in life like me. And while college is a prime place to find a partner, it becomes harder as I get older and the guys around me get younger.
Safe to say that I’m going to have to be very patient and rely heavily on God and trust Him. It’s very hard for me to do though, and with my impatience and desire to be in a relationship coupled with others’ pressure – a dangerous combination is created that the devil loves to take advantage of. And I’ve been battling him a lot lately…
Let me know if any of you have been feeling similar pressure and struggle! We will get through this season of life together and with God, and I’ll be praying continually for each one of you!