A Chat about Relationships

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Hey everyone! This post may end up being kind of long because I am going to update you all on my current relationship status and some emotions and circumstances that have arisen around it. I hope some of you will be able to relate!

First off, a conversation with my grandma:

Grandma: So you really haven’t found anyone at college?

Me: Nope. Not really. We have a 70/30 girl to guy ratio, so it’s hard.

Grandma: Well did you think about that when you chose the school?

Me, in my head: Why would that be on my criteria list??

Me, in person: No, I hadn’t considered that.

Grandma: Well you know it’s hard to find someone after college…

Like I haven’t been feeling anxious enough about finding my future husband, and then my grandma has to just amplify my anxiety! It seems like everyone right now is putting a lot of pressure on me to date and find the love of my life (including myself). Does anyone else feel this way?? Especially those of you also University age and in their 20s?

I actually went on a date last weekend. It was with my best friend’s boyfriend’s best friend. LOL. We had a great time: just dinner and a movie. Unfortunately, throughout the entire movie and when we kissed a little afterwards, all I could think of was my ex. Not only was I simply not feeling it with my date, but I was also being reminded of my ex for who-knows-what-reasons. It’s not like our relationship was even that great! But for some reason…I still miss him some days.

This leads me into the song that I’ve been listening to on repeat and hoping to find some truth in eventually. It’s called “The Way Life Goes” by Lil Uzi. (I’ll link the song here because the music in general is super cool too!) It says: I know it hurts sometimes, but you’ll get over it; you’ll find another life to live. I know you’re sad and tired, you’ve got nothing left to give, but I know that you’ll get over it.

I’m just hoping that magically someday I’ll simply “get over it.” I’m so ready to live that new life with a new guy that God has made just for me and to live life together proclaiming His glory. I’m excited for that life. I know it’s all in God’s timing though and that I need to be patient, but the pressure coming from a million different directions can become overwhelming.

I’m also finding it difficult to find the guy that I am really interested in being with. It’s not that I have crazy standards, but I have a few things that I really want. The hardest part is that I am an “old soul.” (Here’s a definition from Urban Dictionary that I felt described me to a T: someone who has a greater appreciation and understanding of things that might be dismissed by others their age. An old soul would have a different taste in things than the mainstream media.) Based on this definition and who I am as an old soul, it can be hard to find a guy that fits into this personality. I almost need an older man…

No, not a sugar daddy, but a guy that is older than me and has a similar appreciation of things in life like me. And while college is a prime place to find a partner, it becomes harder as I get older and the guys around me get younger.

Safe to say that I’m going to have to be very patient and rely heavily on God and trust Him. It’s very hard for me to do though, and with my impatience and desire to be in a relationship coupled with others’ pressure – a dangerous combination is created that the devil loves to take advantage of. And I’ve been battling him a lot lately…

Let me know if any of you have been feeling similar pressure and struggle! We will get through this season of life together and with God, and I’ll be praying continually for each one of you!

 

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The Subconscious

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Ooh. Fancy psychology term. But I’m not a psychology major, so this will have nothing to do with any highfalutin concepts. So no fear, reader!

How many times have you said to yourself or someone else, “No, I’m not upset. I’m fine.” because you really believed you were…and then you lash out unnecessarily at someone or burst into tears when someone tells a story about their pet lizard? It’s happened to me PLENTY!

It amazes me how our subconscious mind can cause outward reactions without us being aware. Sometimes it’s because we’re denying the fact that there even is a problem, and other times it’s because we are repressing the problem. For me, I usually do a good job of just convincing myself that I shouldn’t be upset about xyz or that I’m handling it fine because I’m still “happy” and “social” when I’m really just ignoring the problem.

Example A: For years, I have struggled with having to visit my dad and step family and be in a new, unfamiliar environment for certain periods of time. Especially when I was younger, I would push through the miserable moments when I visited and then come home and act like nothing uncomfortable happened while I was there, but these feelings would only fester in my heart and mind. Subconsciously, I was in a lot of pain and hurt and confusion and frustration and sadness, but I always convinced myself that there was no reason to think about it now; it was in my past. Pushing it away caused more problems than necessary though, and I would either get physically sick or shut down for weeks at a time until I let the emotion out.

Example B: A bomb was dropped on me the other day that my best friend, whom I had been wanting and planning to room with next year, felt that it was better if she stayed with her current roommate. Now, there’s a lot of background and side notes to this situation that I won’t go into right now, but one thing to note is that we will still be in the suite together just not as direct roommates.

Either way, I was pretty upset at first, but in all honesty I was a lot less upset than i expected. I understood her concern and respected it. I wasn’t mad at her by any means, and I kinda put it off as “it’s just like last year all over again; there’s too many other things to be worrying about right now,” but I’m pretty sure I’m much more upset subconsciously than I’m leading on.

I haven’t been treating my best friend’s current roommate completely fairly lately (probably out of jealousy and frustration), and I didn’t sleep barely at all for two nights after the news was given to me. I also have been feeling more lonely and left out at the smallest things. Other than random hormones, the only thing I can figure is that my subconscious angst over this problem is surfacing in other forms.

Well, I could rant all day, but that wouldn’t be helpful to anyone! (Entertaining, but not helpful.) And, I can be completely raw in saying that the advice I’m about to give, I avoided myself at different points in my life, so I can admit that I can be a little hypocritical about this sometimes. But if you are struggling with a similar situation, here are some things that I have found to help!

  1. Always seek God’s help first! He is the ultimate counselor, and praying to Him and reading His word is the best place to find good advice and/or consolation about your problems. Now, He may not solve your problem or give you and answer right then and there, but it is always comforting to me to know that someone out there loves me and wants to listen especially when the problem leads me to feelings of loneliness, or I feel like no one understands.
  2. Human counselors can be bomb! I understand counselors are not for everyone, but they give extremely unbiased advice and encouragement. I used to go to a counselor every other week, and it always helped to verbalize my feelings to someone and receive sound advice to get me through the situation and bring that subconscious to an acknowledged surface to then handle.
  3. Do an activity that you LOVE! For me, playing tennis or doing a puzzle usually challenges my brain enough to let out my emotions and energy physically so that I’m feeling more empowered and centered. This can help to remind you that there’s more to life than the problem or give me a new sense of energy to handle the problem in a mature, respectable way.

Comment below if you’ve ever been in a situation like the ones talked about in this blog! And if you just need some friendly conversation or advice – email me @ alaskawildblog@gmail.com!

Good luck on finals to all college kids!!!

Gaining Approval

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I am not one to really need the approval of others in general, but it’s definitely important for me to have the approval of my loved ones. If my parents or family members don’t approve, I feel bad going through with my choice even if I know it’s a good thing. And this can be doubly difficult considering I have two sets of parents to go through right off the bat.

Let’s look at my most current situation and maybe you can relate.

I am planning on going to Slovakia on a mission trip next summer and I’m so excited!!! But going to a foreign country on mission can raise a whole bunch of questions and concerns from loved ones. I expected my mom and step dad to be a little skeptical of it, but my step dad is very conservative and believes Eastern Europe to be a very safe area of the world right now, so they were surprisingly approving of my decision. (And ultimately they are the most important when it comes to this.)

The next person to approach was my dad. Now he was just in Ecuador (a third world country, mind you) just about a month ago now on mission, and he has a pretty strong faith, so I thought of all people he’d be totally gung-ho about this trip. Boy was I wrong. He felt the opposite of my parents and was very concerned because it’s so close to the Ukraine and blah blah blah. I was so annoyed. He also wanted to know every single detail of the trip down to every day trip we’ll be taking and all the projects. I don’t know all of this information yet though for certain because God will lead us where we need to be once we’re there. I’m hoping to find a way to get his approval soon.

Lastly, I contacted my grandmother. She is not one I normally seek approval from completely, but when I told her about the trip she seemed a little hesitant. And when she ended up staying up for hours worrying about me and my safety there, I begin to feel bad that I’m going and putting these concerns in her mind.

Do any of you ever struggle to gain approval for things that seem like obvious good choices like going on a mission trip?? I guess I just have to trust God on this one and seek His approval only.

October Nostalgia

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Every fall I become extremely nostalgic and even a little homesick. And it’s not just because of college. Ever since we moved, I have always felt a hint of nostalgia for my childhood and previous home.

The darkness early into the evening reminds me of the dark nights of my childhood when I would sit in the living room playing with my toys and watching the snow fall outside.

The chill in the air reminds me of the fall days of elementary school getting off the bus in the afternoon and having no homework.

The trips to corn mazes and pumpkin patches remind me of my parents taking me to a farm to pick out the perfect pumpkins and ride a hayride through a winding trail.

The crunch of the leaves beneath my feet reminds me of the afternoon walks I would take with my grandma.

Life’s Necessities

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Let’s chat over a delicious Mango Dragonfruit refresher! IMG_3126

I may be the only one that feels this way, but I hate one of life’s great necessities: showers!

I mean, I obviously feel good after I take one, knowing that I am clean and refreshed, but I absolutely hate having to take them. You either have to plan to wake up sooner in the morning or carve out time when you get home from a busy day. Sometimes it just feels like a waste of time out of my chaotic day. It’s also annoying when it’s super cold out because, although the water can be extra warm and cozy, when you get out it’s frigid!

Like, have you ever thought of why God even designed the need for showers in the first place? I understand that we get dirty and need to be cleaned, but why did those two states have to exist in the first place?

Do any of you feel this way too sometimes?

Do you dislike any of life’s “necessities” and wonder why they exist in the first place? Comment below!!

Comfort: Studying the Bible

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One of the greatest problems facing our world right now is depression and suicide. And not only does it affect the person directly suffering, but also all those around them that love and care about them. So many people are searching for answers to this problem and how to help those that are suffering.

Outside of prior mental illness, the next greatest cause of depression (*in my eyes*) is broken relationships with others. This could be friendships, or lack thereof, family brokenness, etc. Many times it’s because someone doesn’t feel worthy of others’ attention or companionship or feels unwanted by others in some capacity. What I find incredible is that God loves us no matter what anyone else thinks.

I am studying Colossians 1:15-23 right now for my New Testament class in college, and I ran across the most comforting, reassuring statement when studying a commentary today. This passage says that Christ created all things and it was all created through him. The commentary went on to say that this means that all things created (you, me, plants, animals) have meaning and worth. He wouldn’t create something without it having importance to him just as we wouldn’t. This can give us all SO much comfort! God, through Christ made YOU! He believes YOU are valuable and worthy of all the love in the world. And while we may not always receive this love by other humans, we can be reassured that we are receiving it from God.

I get nervous when I analyze the Bible (even though I love doing it) because I always worry I’m going to find things I disagree with or that disappoint me, but I should be much more trusting of God and his word than that. Every time I dive deeper I just find more and more encouragement, comfort, and reassurance. This just proves how incredible our God is!

Thank you, God, for constantly seeking us and loving us even we are unsure and feeling unworthy or unloved. Help to continually remind us of this. Amen.

Friend VS Boyfriend

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I’m sorry that the title is misleading, but I’m not dating anyone. Sorry to disappoint. I’m still happy being a single Pringle out here! But I have been pondering an idea concerning boyfriends…

Imagine your best guy friend (or gal friend if you’re a guy! This theory might go both ways). What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you picture them? Probably your inside jokes or the fun memories you’ve made.

Do you picture what they normally wear or how they do their hair? Do you picture the car they drive or how clean they keep their room? Probably not. None of that really matters when you’re friends with someone.

But for some reason it does when you start dating them. All of a sudden you’re hyper-aware of the clothes they wear and how often they throw a hat on. You notice the smell of their car or the slew of school supplies on their desk.

Why do we view a person differently when the title changes from friend to boyfriend?

Part of it I think is the fact that once you are dating you come more as a package deal, so when people think of you they also think of your significant other. This makes us sensitive to how not only we look but also our partner in crime.

Maybe part of it also is that when you’re dating someone you are thinking about a future with them, and so things like their lifestyle habits become important when they weren’t before because you had never planned on living with your best guy friend.

Honestly, I’m not 100% sure why we do this, but it kind of stinks. You can totally appreciate a person as a friend and start to date them and begin questioning it all. I guess all we can hope for is that these things that start to become apparent to us when the titles change won’t change the feelings we have for the other person if they are “the one.”

Any thoughts from you all??

Step Out for God

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My boss at my summer job is a really great Christian man. On my last day of work, he gave me a challenge. He said, “This year at college I want you to step out for God.” And of course he added, “And I’m gonna ask you about it when you come home!”

The pressure was on!

He gave me an example of how he had stepped out {of his comfort zone} for God: he asked a stranger at the post office if he could pray for her. He also asked to pray for a man that he sees walking his neighborhood every morning.

Since that day, I’ve been searching for the opportunity to do the same and looking for when God will reveal to me who I should be praying for or reaching out to. What I realized today though is that each one of our “stepping-out-for-God” looks different. I think mine is going on a mission trip next summer. For you it might be starting a Bible study or joining a worship band or talking to someone you normally wouldn’t talk to.

And I could be wrong about my own calling to step out for God by going on a mission trip to a foreign country, but so far He’s revealing that this is it. I hope He will continue revealing it to me.

So, I challenge you: Step out for God!

Top 5: Historical Fiction Novels

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These were some of my favorite historical fiction books I read in both middle school and high school! I still think back on them fondly and want to reread them all again sometime soon!

In no particular order…

1. The Revolution of Sabine by Beth Levine Ain

2. Incantation by Alice Hoffman

3. A Northern Light by Jennifer Donnelly

4. The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

5. The Royal Diaries series and Dear America series (by many different authors)

I am not going to go into detail about each book since I haven’t read some of them in a while, but let me know if you’ve read any of these or what your favorite teen historical fiction books were! I think it’s awesome that there are authors out there who’ve been able to make history so accessible to younger generations!

Please check out these books and let me know what you think!!