There is one thing that I have been especially struggling with off and on in regard to my relationship and our possible future plans.
Sometimes I buy into the lie that I am sacrificing “more” than my boyfriend. The worst part of that, too, is that I am quantifying our sacrifices and comparing them; it is very unhealthy. It never leaves to positive, loving thoughts.
If we were to get married next summer like we are wanting to, I am giving up my last semester at school with my friends. By marrying him, I am submitting to the fact that the rest of my life we are going to have to move wherever he gets a job and that I will just have to accept it. That includes where he is going to grad school as well.
I had peace about all of this for a while though. I’ve never had a clear direction for my life whereas my boyfriend has, so I am very happy to go where he needs to go and support him in that way and hopefully find my purpose through that. I want to support him and love him as best I can and sacrificing in those ways is one way I can show him love.
There was a situation that occurred the other day that sunk me into the spiraling pit of doubt though once again (it was exaggerated by hormones, mind you). My boyfriend offhandedly mentioned how his family is planning to take a trip out west when he graduates which is awesome! But for some reason it made me think about how my parents used to say that we could go somewhere cool as my college graduation gift too, but if I’m married, will we still do that?
There’s another thing I might have to sacrifice…
Now, my boyfriend made a good point that there’s a great possibility that my parents will still take me/us on a trip or that it wouldn’t have happened whether I was in a relationship or not simply based on the timing of my graduation, but when I have one painful thought, many more come to mind.
It is definitely something I am going to have to keep fighting until we get married and even after we are married, but I’m hoping God will continue to provide me with peace and reveal truth in those tough moments.
Last night at Bible study I mentioned some of this as my prayer request: that I would learn to sacrificially love those that I’m close to and not quantify or compare those sacrifices (because my boyfriend definitely sacrifices a lot for me too; I just get caught up in mine). My friend prayed for me and she said, “Help her to be more like Christ in sacrificial love. Jesus sacrificed so much for us, so help us to reflect Jesus’ character in the way we sacrificially love one another.”
This is so true and convicted me so much! I am committing to my boyfriend in marriage (hopefully) and making a covenant with him like God made with us, his people. Jesus sacrificed so much for us, so I can definitely sacrifice earthly things for him, his kingdom, and the people he has put in my life, especially my husband.
“Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.”